This is my first post.
I published my site yesterday which was a very special day for all women around the world “International Women’s Day”.
It was especially significant to me to mark the birth of my blog on this empowering day celebrating women; as I am a woman who is extremely passionate about helping other women. I am an author with my own brand of self-help books “KandyCares” written predominantly for women in difficulties.
I also dedicate my time to supporting single pregnant women and teenage girls from all over the world via Skype calls and also organise empowerment workshop events online.
So as you can probably already tell…Women’s Day is a big thing for me.
What you can expect from my blog are articles covering every single situation, issue, problem, challenge, struggle and dilemma surrounding single pregnant women & teenage girls when it comes to dealing with being abandoned and rejected by their unborn babies father.
The Problems Single Pregnant Women & Teenage Girls Face- And Why I Help Them.
Whether a woman is made pregnant out of love that went wrong, a married or spoken for man, a boyfriend or casual partner who doesn’t want the baby- or the woman for the mother of his child, a man who is denying his paternity, etc.(you get the picture). The outcome in these circumstances are all the same resulting in a woman or young lady who has chosen to keep her baby having to cope with going through the pregnancy alone and prepare herself for an unexpected duty she never considered in her life- the role of a single mother. Although to most people the logical and sensible thing to do would be to get on with life, take care of herself and focus on getting ready for the arrival of the baby-but it’s really not as simple as that when hormones are thrown into the mix with high running emotions. Being dumped or rejected by a man that a woman once had a relationship with which is now over because she is pregnant with his child is a total heartbreaker, the pregnant woman feels like the whole relationship was a complete lie. She starts questioning everything ‘Why was he with me if he didn’t see himself having a family with me, was I just a convenience to pass a time of boredom in his life? Why did he say he loved me if he didn’t love me enough to stay when I’m pregnant with HIS child? Did he ever really love me? Am I not a good enough woman to have his baby? Am I ugly or embarrassing? Is he seeing someone else? Was he planning on leaving me anyway? Will he come back once the baby is born? What will I do? Will he change his mind about wanting to get to know his child?’ These are just a few thoughts going on in the mind of a single pregnant woman who has been abandoned or rejected by her ex.
Next are the emotions she feels, the rage, anger, humiliation, betrayal, hurt and uncertainties that follow once the realisation of becoming a single mother kicks in as time passes. People say that time is a healer, but in this case (during pregnancy) it really isn’t as the further into pregnancy the woman gets, the more she realises she is alone as a single parent and the longer the father remains absent, silent and uninterested is the more emotional the pregnant woman becomes. (The healing part, time wise doesn’t begin for most women until they have moved on in a new relationship, some women never recover from the experience and don’t even notice it. For example they get on with their lives the best they can and move on to new relationships only to find that they have major trust issues or worse like the fear of rejection.) The emotions of an angry pregnant woman can be totally out of character, having her babies paternity denied and being ignored or rejected by the father is definitely a strong enough emotional trigger to ‘act out’. Some women may choose to vent to their friends and family while those who lack emotional support may feel like they have no other outlet or choice but to let it all out to the father himself via phone calls, texts, and unexpected visits which often only makes things escalate.
I was once one of those women who lacked emotional support when I went through pregnancy alone, my ex casually disappeared out of my life because I’d chosen to keep our baby. I sunk into a severe state of depression which I saw a counsellor for, she didn’t help by making me draw pictures of the terrible things I told her I imagined doing to my ex every night just so I could get to sleep. In fact, the drawings triggered feelings of me wanting revenge and that’s what I foolishly set out to do, ruin my exes well known reputation (Full story can be read in my book “Abandoned Pregnant”) in the twisted hope of humiliating him into being a father. I didn’t realise that I was in fact wasting my time and energy in trying to get even and actually ruining my own reputation in the process as a dignified woman -justifying his reasons for being absent to others.
What saved me from myself in the end was rediscovering, learning and rebuilding the self- respect, worth and love I had for myself.
I was dumped pregnant twice by two different long term partners, during both these experiences- once as a teen and again as a young adult I documented my thoughts and feelings which I made into my first book “Abandoned Pregnant”.
Using my first hand knowledge and experiences as well as being able to relate to women who are going through similar circumstances, I now provide beneficial emotional support for single pregnant women that I remember wishing was available to me as I sat in that counsellors office drawing pictures of myself cutting off my ex boyfriends male private parts.