Coming To Terms With Being Abandoned Pregnant-How To Keep Your Emotions In Check.

 

When a woman has been dumped and rejected while she is pregnant, the first thing she will do is cling to any form of light at the end of the tunnel for a reconciliation, or hope that her ex will at the very least reconsider his decision to have no involvement in his child’s life before he or she is born.
The newly single pregnant woman will be left in total disbelief that the same man she once thought she knew who was so lovely to her, is actually capable of being able to carry out an act so cruel and in reality is in fact a heartless enough person to walk away from his own child.
She will get through the beginning stages with denial as her comfort, believing that her ex will realise at some point he has made a big mistake and come back to her, but as time passes when he has still made no attempt to find out how the pregnancy is going or about the well-being of the baby, she then goes through the torture of mixed thoughts and excuses such as ‘maybe he doesn’t know how to approach me after all this time and is afraid, maybe he is fronting out his feelings for me acting like he really doesn’t care to hurt me, he must be seeing someone else by now and really isn’t thinking about me or the baby, maybe he is having a better life without me, he hates me, used me, lied to me’ etc.
Negative emotions then build off those negative thoughts and the results of this is a pregnant woman who is extremely heartbroken and just wants the pain of rejection to stop, her ex is the only one who can make the hurt go away but he just doesn’t seem to care.
She has her whole world set on making him realise what he has done to her, if only she could somehow get him to understand what his decision is doing to her life and how his absence affects everything… so she calls him, texts him, turns up outside his house begging him to stop rejecting her- desperately wanting him to recognise her misery without him and to acknowledge her as the mother of his child. When her attempts to get him to ‘wake up and smell the roses’ fail the pregnant woman then feels further rejection; this is when she becomes angry and her loving feelings of missing him and wanting him to become the father she knows he could be- gets mixed up with rage- and it’s usually at this point where she considers revenge.
Revenge is not the way, forget any thoughts of payback because I promise you it’s not for you to do and will only prevent or delay his true repayment- leave it to nature and society.
Getting through the days hoping and waiting for a reluctant father to return is not the way either…
The best way to come to terms with being abandoned pregnant is by being one hundred percent real with yourself. Don’t try to make yourself feel better by putting things in your head that MIGHT come true but are NOT true; such as the belief the father of your unborn child will change his mind about his responsibilities as a father- before or at the time of the birth- putting a time limit on things can have devastating conclusions when it doesn’t happen, which can prolong the healing process and cause depression. Don’t wonder about how he is, where he is, what he is doing or who with, to put it bluntly you’re carrying his baby and he isn’t concerned for either of you or both your safety otherwise he would be around; so don’t waste your time wondering about a man who isn’t wondering about you or the half of him that is inside of you.
While you are focusing on him and he is focusing on him too, who is focusing on you?
I know it’s hard but you have got to stop thinking about your baby’s father, stop trying to contact him and convince him- kill the happy ending with him out of your your mind.
Get out of that down the drain feeling, I know from past experience myself that it’s much easier said than done, but if you don’t do it for you- then you chose to lose.
Take all of your pain and turn it into strength, tell yourself ‘OK, this is not what I wanted but it’s happened and I can’t do anything about it now, but what I can do though is choose to get on with my life’ choose YOU! The more you put your mind on him is the more you come away from yourself, and you NEED you, your baby needs you to take care of yourself, not just physically but emotionally too- remember that unborn babies can sense, pick up on and react to moods.
Try to avoid spending time thinking over the situation and get busy, learn additional skills online- necessary ones like CPR, Pregnancy & Birth, etc. Read books, clear cupboards, do anything that will prevent the devil’s visit to your mind. You have got to do the right thing for yourself!
Do the right thing once, then the right thing after that and again… and again and again.
That means (for example) if you have a moment where you feel sad and want to call the reluctant father, take a harsh reality check with yourself and think over the fact that if he wanted to speak to you he would! Seriously, don’t forget he has a lot more reason to reach out to you, after all you’re carrying his baby and if the curiosity of the well-being of his own child isn’t important enough for him to act on-then that pretty much says it all- no excuses. Forget missing him.
The first thing you do right; is to not react straight away. The second thing you do right; is to think over the consequences of if you did call him. The third thing you do right; is DON’T call him! By behaving in this way you avoid the likeliness of further hurting yourself when you don’t get the response you wanted (for example if you did call) the possibility of him making you feel worthless, telling you he doesn’t want you, doesn’t care, hearing another woman in the background, or hearing him having a great time out with friends and making it clear you’re the last person he wants to communicate with, etc. By not calling him you eliminate getting your feelings hurt.
If you experience a moment of overwhelming rage thinking over how rubbish he’s made you feel and want to go over to his house to confront him- DON’T!
Let the moment pass, do not act on it or ever put yourself and your unborn baby’s safety at risk in anyway. I’m not saying he will become violent at all, but you don’t know who is with him and you turning up raging could trigger the attitudes of others, so again in this scenario the first thing you would do right for yourself is to not react, the second thing you do right is to think over the consequences of any actions, then the third thing you do right is by NOT doing the wrong thing.
It’s called emotional intelligence.
Sometimes we cause our own pain to continue because we don’t want to let go of the things that don’t want us or aren’t good for us, but when you keep doing the right thing for yourself continuously you will find that day by day you start to feel good about yourself and more in control of your life. It’s probably been all about him recently and what’s he done to you which has basically been giving him credit and you can’t even see it i.e. ‘he did this to me, he did that to me, if it wasn’t for him…’ ENOUGH!
Time to credit yourself now and say ‘I will do this for me, I will do that for me’
It really does work, you just have to truly want what’s best for yourself and act on it every single day. Don’t be lazy and simply say you are fed up of feeling this way and expect someone to wave a wand over you and make the feelings magically disappear, you have got to put in ‘work’ and it is hard especially if you have to do it alone. This is why I have started my new 30 day empowerment online workshop for single pregnant women and teenage girls who are struggling to cope with and move on from their exes absences and being rejected during their pregnancies.
I support women who have been abandoned pregnant by their partners from all over the world via Skype, if you are interested in taking part in my course and would like to enquire before booking online or simply would like some advice then don’t be shy to send me an email:kandycaresbooks@gmail.com or contact me via social media.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/kandycares-30-day-self-empowerment-workshop-for-single-pregnant-women-tickets-32526667137

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Kandy Dolor-Hamilton is the author and founder of KandyCares self-help books for women and dedicated her time to supporting women and teenage girls who are going through pregnancy alone- without support from the father.

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