When a man gets two women pregnant at the same time, and chooses to claim responsibility of one child but not the other it is extremely hurtful for the mother on the receiving end of rejection. She not only feels the pain of having her unborn baby rejected by the father, but also the anger of knowing there is another woman who is totally aware of her pain and could have also easily been in her shoes yet chooses to ignore what’s happening because it doesn’t affect her situation.
I know it’s very easy to want to confront the other pregnant woman about her actions or decision to stick by him, but don’t. This woman doesn’t know you, but she knows him (well enough to be pregnant by him) and she more than likely will listen to and go by the information given to her directly from him, and who knows what he’s telling her about you. This is an extremely emotional situation mixed up in high level hormones, all it takes is one wrong word and things could get out of control especially when it comes to defending yourself. The other pregnant woman and her unborn baby has nothing to do with you, that’s all on him. Just like you and your own baby have nothing to do with the other pregnant woman.
This is all his mess and although sometimes there are circumstances where the two pregnant women can come together, if he is rejecting you and your baby then there really is no point in meeting up with the woman he isn’t rejecting because all she will do is talk about him, making you feel that your baby’s father thought the woman sitting right in front of you was of more worth to him than you and your baby, or prettier than you, more intelligent than you, etc. Don’t do it to yourself. There really is no reason for it.
Wanting to rage at your baby’s father is completely understandable too, but don’t do that either because it will only make him feel as if he made the right choice by choosing the other woman.
Yep, a catch 22 situation where the only thing you can do right by yourself in this predicament is to walk away and move on. It’s hard. Part of you may feel like you’ve lost out to another woman, or like your baby’s father looks down on you and respects the other pregnant woman more and finding her suitable of being the mother of his child he wants to be around and not you. Even if he has made you feel this way you need to understand this is his confusion not yours, the way he is treating you is disgusting and one day he will have to answer to the child he did chose to stick around and raise about where his or her new brother or sister has magically appeared from down the line and why they weren’t around.
There is always a bigger picture in the future that no deadbeat dad thinks about while they are caught up in the moment of running away because they don’t care, they just want to escape the responsibility of their children they may refer to as a ‘trap’.
Men who do things like get two women pregnant and blatantly abandon one honestly can’t expect there to be no repercussions down the line or do so with their reputation as a man still in tact. The types of men who treat pregnant women in such ways have no idea how distraught their actions make these women feel, how depressed, angry, broken-hearted, and unhappy they really are. How they barely eat, sleep and focus on anything other than the pain of their rejection and thoughts of the other pregnant woman getting all the support she isn’t.
I want you to not obsess over their relationship, or why he chose to be with her and their baby instead of you and your baby with him, don’t get caught standing still in the why’s when they are both moving on. Some men will use not wanting a specific woman to be the mother of their child as an excuse to not have a relationship with that innocent child which is ridiculous! Any woman going through this needs to understand that any man who is choosing to become a father to only one of his children and not the other is NOT about you or who you are as a woman and everything about HIM and who he is. Don’t put yourself at the centre of his decision. Ultimately, there is no absolute answer and nothing to gain to the question of “Why her and not me?” It’s a waste of time questioning his choices and I think that closure is something us women will never win at with men, but what you could ask yourself very honestly is why you are pining for a man who doesn’t love me respect or want you.
Let him be HER problem now!