Does He Deserve To Be At The Birth? After He Put You Through All That Hurt.

 

There are many women who go through their pregnancies alone without a choice after being abandoned by their baby’s fathers, only to have these same men turn around at the last minute and request or even demand to be present at the birth.

It all depends on the circumstances, but being put in such a situation so close to a due date can be a massive stress on any pregnant woman-
who really doesn’t want a man that has been stressing her out for the past nine months in the same room as her while she is giving birth- unless he is going to be supportive and because of his past actions this may be hard for her to believe he is capable of doing.

When it comes to deciding whether or not you would like your ex in the delivery room the main thing is that you feel 100% comfortable with it.
Do not allow anybody to influence your decision.
This is your experience as a woman and as a mother, you will never forget the day when it comes, so make it a happy one.
If you can’t trust your baby’s father not to be a drama starter at the birth, then maybe you can have him visit the day after.
I know that many women in this predicament will feel angry with these men for not being around during their pregnancies.
I think that how a man treats his ex during her pregnancy will pretty much make up her mind about whether or not she will allow him to be present at the birth, especially if he has abandoned her but I also believe that it is down to the individual’s perspective.
For example, some women will welcome a run away father to the birth with open arms, happy that he has managed to suddenly come to his senses just in time, while other women will see it as “how dare he think he can just get on board when he feels like it!”

My views on an ex being present at the birth are; if an ex partner who abandoned you pregnant was intentionally disrespectful to you throughout your pregnancy, then you have every right to ban him from the birth.
Just because he fathered your child it doesn’t make him the best person to support you in the delivery room.
You need help in there, not a hindrance!

If an ex partner who abandoned you pregnant stayed absent throughout your whole pregnancy without having any contact whatsoever with you, then you might be more willing to have him present at the birth, simply because you haven’t seen him in such a long time.
Because it’s been so long without an exchange of negative words between you both, your thoughts may get carried away leading to expectations of a reunion without even thinking that he could be involved in a totally new relationship and possibly leaving you heartbroken after the birth when he has gone to share his joy of becoming a father with someone else, when you went through everything by yourself.

Understand that if you agree to having your babies father at the birth of his baby, it does not mean that he has returned to make things right with you or has any intentions of doing so, you will need to separate your feelings for him good or bad and recognise that his only responsibility here is to his baby, not you.
Thinking anything more could lead to further disappointment or rejection.

If you can’t trust your ex not to provoke you to anger or frustration during labour, then it’s best he is not present at the birth.
If you can trust your ex to be supportive then it could be a good idea that he is present.
If you can’t trust your ex not to be disrespectful towards you at the birth,
then it’s best he is not present.,
If you can trust your ex to behave maturely then it could be a good idea that he is present.
If you can’t trust yourself not to control your emotions in regards to him abandoning you then it’s best he is not present at the birth.

You may have to weigh up the many pros and cons based on how well you know him, how you both left things, and how well you know yourself!

Some men will surprisingly show a side of them that women have never seen before at the birth, even treating these women with more respect after the event having seen what happens for themselves.

I can’t tell you what to do here, but what I will say is if you have a decision to make about your baby’s father being at the birth then don’t stress yourself out attempting to do anything else other than what’s ultimately best for you!
Choose your birthing partner carefully!

Kandy x

 

 

 

 

 

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