Hey Ladies, I just wanted to let you all know about the support program I have coming up over the Christmas and New Year. For more information please visit eventbrite.com
Since it’s Thursday I thought I’d do a throwback post about the history of the single mother. I hope you find it interesting!
Back in the day -around 153 years ago, single motherhood was a scandal and many pregnant women were either forced or felt extremely pressured to abandon their babies if they were unmarried.
Women who had babies out of wedlock were made social outcasts, called ‘fallen women’ and their children called ‘bastards’.
It’s no wonder why there are still traces of being a single mother being frowned upon during this present day.
Back then, single pregnant women were sent to have their babies in places such as hostels for unmarried mothers, women’s refuges, and even mental asylums which all adopted their babies born out of wedlock.
The only women who were expected to keep their babies were black women (which is why some people see the term ‘single mother’ as a code word for black woman on welfare) and women who gave birth to children who had disabilities- often because nobody wanted to adopt them.
White single pregnant women were encouraged not to ruin their lives and to give away their babies instead as it was for the best, these ladies needed to be reformed and their pregnancies and children were hidden to prevent their mistakes from being found out.
4,500 women gave up their children to the Foundling hospital in London during the 19th century.
These women had to write letters which stated that they were ladies who had fallen victims to men and temptation or rape.
It’s obvious the amount of women who gave their babies away back then did so due to the awful judgment they faced.
The way that society sees single mothers now has clearly changed significantly over the years since back then- as in the sense that a woman can now be a single mother if she chooses to and can even go as far as choosing to have a baby by using a sperm donor.
Single pregnant women (no matter what color) throughout history have all faced some horrid situations when it comes to abandonment during pregnancy and the stigma of the single mother.
How lucky single mothers are now to live in a society where there is a lot more social acceptance and support!
That’s my history lesson for the day!
Each week I will be doing an interview with ex absent fathers who are willing to share their stories and past experiences to help explain the many different behaviours of deadbeat dads.
This week my first interview is with *Gary (real name not used) who wants to remain anonymous.
KANDY: Hi *Gary thanks for agreeing to speak with me briefly today about your past experiences.
How did you become a deadbeat dad? What’s your story?
*Gary: When I was 22 my ex got pregnant with our son.
I asked her to have an abortion, she said no and there was nothing I could do.
I knew I couldn’t survive playing happy families with her and a baby, she wanted that more than anything and the more she begged me for it the easier it became to abandon her completely because she got on my nerves.
KANDY: How did she get on your nerves?
GARY: By begging me to change my mind about not wanting to be a father when I didn’t want to become one. Now I realise what she must have been going through. Looking back, I could have just chosen to end the relationship but still be there for my son.
KANDY: Do you blame the relationship for you not wanting to be father?
GARY: Then yes I would have but now I blame me.
KANDY: How did you feel and go about your days knowing you left you ex pregnant? Did you ever stop to think about how she felt?
GARY: Well, I knew that she hated me that’s for sure but no, I never stopped to think about the emotional side of things on her side. I went about my days full of distractions, it was easy to because I never wanted to be a dad and it felt good that I was doing the opposite of what I felt she was forcing on me.
I pretended she and the baby didn’t exist and bailed.
KANDY: What did you do after you abandoned your ex pregnant?
GARY: Everything. I lived my life without much thought about her. This went on for a few years. I went to loads of sport events, restaurants, went on holidays, took different women out, you name it!
I was busy pretending nothing was happening, I found it easy to back out and I wasn’t interested. After the birth I wanted to reach out but by then I felt so much time had passed it was hard for me to get in touch.
After four years one day I began cyber stalking my ex.
I saw that she had suffered from depression in her posts and decided to make contact.
KANDY: How did she react?
GARY: I sent her a message on Facebook asking how she and my son were.
I also asked if I could have her number to talk. To my surprise she responded that they were both well and included her number.
KANDY: Wow, I bet that’s not the attitude you expected!
GARY: Far from! When I called her she listened to me and when I asked for a chance to meet my son she said yes.
KANDY: When did you meet your son and what was that like?
GARY: I entered my son’s life when he was five years old.
We met up at McDonalds and ended up going bowling afterwards.
After that we went back to their home and I ended up staying the night on the couch with him and remember being woken up by this little person and it was new for me.
What really helped was that my ex told me not to try to play daddy and allow everything to happen naturally and it did.
She and I are good friends and I actually like her new boyfriend.
He’s a decent guy.
KANDY: What an outcome! How did it feel to finally be in your son’s life?
GARY: As I grew to get to know my son more and more I thought about those five years I missed out on. It fucked me up that I couldn’t make up for the time wasted and the missing memories. It was a realisation that I needed to stay.
What hurt most was that my sons mother chose to be amazing to me by allowing me back into their lives five years later. I will forever be thankful to her for that.
KANDY: What do you do to support your son now?
GARY: I take him to my house over weekends, I pay child support when I can, I buy him clothes, trainers and other things throughout. I try to be the best dad I can be even though I had two other children with another woman who I’m no longer with but I do provide for them all.
KANDY: What do you think about deadbeat dads?
GARY: The truth be told is that I can’t hate deadbeat dads because I was once one, so I can understand the mentality of not giving a fuck about your own child. For me, I was scared of fatherhood and too immature to face it. But it’s different for every deadbeat.
KANDY: Do you regret being a deadbeat dad once?
GARY: Yes. (Nods head)
KANDY: Thanks for sharing your experience with me Gary!
GARY: You’re most welcome Kandy.
End of interview.
What if I told you that the majority of deadbeat dads and absent fathers (especially narcissists) who have many children by lots of different women end up suffering with mental health issues when they get older.
Would you feel sorry for them? I don’t.
By the time most of these absent fathers are in their fifties their minds are in a mess because they’ve spent years blocking out the women and children they abandoned/rejected and just how badly they treated them while blocking out who they really are too. A time comes for all absent fathers when they want to see how the mothers of their children including their children are doing in life and what they are up to. Usually, when this happens these men are at a point where they are either all alone in their lives or feel lonely even if they have families; they are likely to be miserable, their friends all either happily married or settled down in families, their mothers who they were once mommy’s boys to either deceased or too elderly to have the energy to help their sons egos. These men have lost their youthful ‘I don’t give a F’ feeling, some of these men can’t understand why they can no longer get it back and block things out like they used to when they were younger without realising that it is because they are in fact maturing.
Yes, you read right… Sadly, some men especially deadbeat dads and absent fathers do not mature until they are in their fifties and lonely which is when they are most likely left to face why they feel so alone or unsatisfied with themselves and it’s also when they begin to think over the past and everything they did to the different women and children who they abandoned or hurt- this can be a high number of innocent people including grandchildren so these men have much to feel bad and think about and could possibly be lurking around on social media for hours or days even gathering up information on all the families they neglected depending on how many years it’s been since these men last had contact with them.
What absent fathers discover may shock them, because most of the time these men realise that the women they abandoned with their children have moved on with their lives in ways these men would have never imagined, they may find out that their children’s mothers are married, have amazing careers, they may find out that they are grandfathers, or that their child is a Dr or married or even lives abroad. These absent fathers will begin to think about everything they missed out on and will be left trying to piece events together with many thoughts, bitterness, jealousy and even regrets, especially if he once made his ex out to be worthless to others and she is now doing better than him in life!
When this happens a man’s mind can easily go into a state of depression once he realises the true extent of the loser he has been and what he has done or other mental health issues if he is confused by his past actions or in denial over who he was or even who he is- when the plain and simple truth is that he is a deadbeat dad who neglected his child or children, but because his ego will not allow him to accept this fact his mind fights against it, leaving him developing mental issues until he does.
When an absent father becomes depressed it is because he is lonely in his life and has looked into his past realising the full extent of what he has done and the damage his careless actions has caused for generations, it is because he realises he let his children down, it is because he knows he was wrong for mistreating women, it is because he has seen himself for who he was and still is, it is because it has been so long he does not know how to approach the situation. The deadbeat/absent father title doesn’t disappear after many years just because the father did and at the end of the day, no matter the struggle of the single mother he is the one who has to live with the title of being an absent father for all the years that he was absent!
So many women are left feeling angry and frustrated when they see or hear of their children’s absent fathers living a fun and carefree life such as them having new girlfriends, new children, going clubbing every weekend and basically living their best lives- meanwhile being the worst fathers!
But I’d like for women to remember that the reason most absent fathers seem to have everything to do with everyone except their own kids, is because that’s how they handle being deadbeat dads! By keeping busy! What better ways to distract yourself from reality than by having fun?
Leave these absent fathers and deadbeat dads to have their fun, because it will turn them into mad men forever in the long run, be grateful your situation isn’t permanent with being a single mom.
You will get over this, you will meet someone else and you will move on!
But he won’t, because by ignoring and neglecting his fatherhood right now- he will ruin his own life when he has to face himself including his kids in the future.
Stay strong ladies! X
Many women who have been abandoned pregnant by a partner may have suffered from previous experiences of abandonment, rejection and loss before at some stage in their lives making the whole situation extremely overwhelming for them. Their reaction to being abandoned during pregnancy seems OTT and OOC to others but for the devastated women who have been neglected, hurt and burnt too many times before by those they love, being abandoned pregnant can feel like history repeating itself and the final straw… With memories of the past and old feelings flaring up- such as anger and frustration over the unfairness of it all, the audacity of others, the mistakes and bad choices made, etc. -it’s very easy for those women to fall into that ‘hard done by’ hole in the ground mode or go into fight and defence mode instead, but I’m here to tell you ladies who can relate to this post from my own experiences that I too was once an angry pregnant woman plagued with rage for the absent father of my child combined with what had happened in my past.
Abandonment during pregnancy triggering feelings of past rejection is truly a painful situation to be in, to feel so unwanted and unloved, to feel so unimportant and unneeded by those you want, love and need in your life so desperately yet they can live without you and your love just fine and aren’t afraid to make it clear either, you can physically feel the pain and you can’t believe it’s happening all over again. But there is something very valuable we can all learn from people who reject us, whether it’s the father of your child, friends or family and that is that you are allowed to walk away just as they have! Go to the people who don’t reject you and please don’t return to those who do. Not everyone you lose in life is a loss even if it feels like it! I want you ladies to remember that you must feel no guilt and no shame in what has happened to you, You’re not to blame because you’re not being accepted by someone or others.
I always recommend talking about rejection (and looking at the fact that being rejected is mostly not personal but an issue the person doing the rejecting has) to try to move past the pain.
I will be revisiting this subject again!
Kandy D x
Are your friends there for you during this time when you need people to talk to most or are they steering clear of you all of a sudden because you’re no fun anymore with all the suffering you’re going through?
How do your friends make you feel when you speak to them about your situation of being abandoned pregnant?
Many women tell me of times during their pregnancies when they’ve felt like their friends have been less than supportive, even making comments and statements such as “that’s why I’m glad I’m single, how could you let him do this to you, I’d never be in your shoes”…etc.
These are the last things that a woman who has been left pregnant by an ex needs to hear, a friend who compares themselves or promotes their own power when their friend is at their lowest and weakest point was never a friend to begin with and obviously doesn’t think much of themselves either- this situation may be the only opportunity they have to put themselves in a good light if they haven’t got anything else going for them to talk about, especially compared to you! Don’t forget, even though you’ve been abandoned pregnant at the end of it you’re having a baby and that’s who you’re going to be living your life for.
If you feel you have a friend or friends who are gossiping about your circumstances and being unsupportive then drop them (don’t feel bad about it) and get the support you need elsewhere. Sometimes, if a friend is strangely absent during your time of need it’s not always their fault (unless it’s a pattern) as they could have something going on in their own lives that you aren’t aware and other times you might just be feeling super sensitive over certain things said, but you will always know what is an indirect or a direct insult and inappropriate. Don’t put up with it!
Don’t allow friends who have seen you in your moment of weakness and be mistreated by an ex to think that they can disrespect you too.
You are going to be teaching your child to have respect towards you and he or she must grow up with seeing you not tolerate belittlement or disrespect from anyone, of course it will happen- this is life! But once you walk away and don’t put up with it that is how your child also learns how to do the same!
Don’t be afraid to end friendships that seem to intentionally make you feel even worse than you do already.
Speak with the friends you know have your back and have done so throughout any previous problems you’ve faced. If you don’t feel like speaking to friends or family reach out to me on EagleDial.
If you’re lucky enough to have friends who are supportive, and a listening ear towards your feelings instead of telling you how you feel or how you should feel or how they’d feel if it was them…. If you’re lucky enough to have friends who are non-judgemental, that make you laugh, help you, cheer you up, distract you from your anger, pain and sadness, bring you food to eat, get you out of bed and out of the house who genuinely care about your wellbeing then you’re in good hands!
Ultimately, the only person you need to get through this IS YOU! A positive mindset is a must!
Stay Strong Ladies!
THIS BLOG IS A DILEMMA PAGE, UPLOADED FROM KANDY’S INSTAGRAM. DM OVER YOUR QUESTION OR PROBLEMS FOR A REPLY.
ALL ADVICE IS GIVEN BY EXPERT AGONY AUNT KANDY DOLOR.
How are you? I was so happy when I found your page. Your posts are really good, like you know what I’m thinking and feeling. Your poem touched my heart with me being so emotional. I’m seven months pregnant and have been abandoned by my ex who I was with in a relationship with me for three years. He left me when I was two months pregnant and said he needed space. A week later he said he was having financial problems and didn’t want the baby, I told him no and he said I was doing the same thing his ex did to him and that’s whand she’s a single mother now. He does look after his son, but he told me that he won’t be forced again this time, so if I didn’t have an abortion he was leaving. He left and I kept calling and messaging him, turning up at his mum’s begging him to come back, all of my pride went out of the window. A few weeks ago I got a text from him calling me weak and pathetic, he said he could never respect me as the mother of his child because of how I behaved, and that his sons mother didn’t act like that when he left her pregnant, he said she had pride and dignity, unlike me. He really hurt me by saying that, I stopped contacting him but I’m feeling so sad and desperate. I don’t know what else to do to make him come back…
Hey! I’m happy that finding my page made u happy! Let’s go… It’s shocking how so many of these cowards come out of their hiding places just long enough to tell a woman how she should behave when they leave her pregnant. Ur ex seems to think he’s an expert on the emotions of abandoned pregnant women since he got such an easy ride the 1st time. There’s something I want u not 2 do & that is 2 not compare yourself 2 his ex as he could be lying just 2 make u back off him or 2 upset u & if he isn’t lying I still don’t want u comparing yourself to her as her circumstances were different, you’re both two different women living different lives. She could have had more support, they might not have lived together so it was easier for her, or she could have already fallen out of love with him, etc. There are reasons why it was easier 4 her to deal with, or maybe it wasn’t easy but she made it seem that way as she was in control of her emotions. Everyone is different & deals with things differently. He said he didn’t want the baby due 2 financial problems but u lived together so he should have discussed those financial issues with u instead of just leaving & running back home to mummy! Unbelievable! As he did something similar in the past but still ended up being in his son’s life it gives some sort of hope for the baby having his or her father in their life at some stage but please DO NOT have any expectations! U say ur pride went out the window & that’s understandable, nearly every woman in this situation has experienced those moments before i’m sure, but it’s time to get back ur pride now & stop waiting on him to make u feel valid again! From ur message I get the feeling ur not yet ready 2 let go. There is only 1 positive course of action u can take right now that will work in ur favour regardless of the outcome with him & that is 4 you 2 get on with your own life! Take care of yourself & prepare 4 the arrival of your baby! Get focused and forget about him! Good luck💕#pregnancy #pregnancyproblems #agonyaunt #advicecolumn #mentor #abandonedpregnant #kandydolor #pregnancyadvice #problems #abandonment #magazineworthy #lifecoach #support #maternity #relationships #breakups
This page is such a support system for women like me being abandoned and pregnant. I have been feeling so depressed and I found this page and your advice and listening to other stories supportive… I’m not alone as I thought.
My child’s father wanted me to have an abortion so he could continue his party last time and vacations. I’m currently three months pregnant and my baby’s father is no longer in my life due to domestic violence against me when I was pregnant. Charges have been placed and we now have a non-association agreement. It has been so difficult for me because I know I will be on this journey that is supposed to be the best moment of my life alone.
I feel that this non-association stipulation will be beneficial for myself and for my baby. But I can’t help but to think of the future, unfortunately still love him and I would have never thought he would have ever put his hands on me, but he did and now I’m left dealing with this. I’m planning visits to the doctors alone and from what I hear he is planning more vacations and continue with his party lifestyle. But I can’t help but to think of the future, unfortunl love him and I would have never thought he would have ever put his hands on me, but he did and now I’m left dealing with this. I’m planning visits to the doctors alone and from what I hear he is planning more vacations and continuing his party lifestyle. I’ve been trying to stay positive, which your page helps me with, but to be truthful I’ve been so depressed I can’t even make it out of bed some days.. I don’t know if he will even be involved in my Babys Life, nor do I want him in my child’s life with the charges he had now. I’m scared, pregnant and abandoned…. Rethink I never thought I’d say in the same sentence. I would love to hear your advice on my situation, I could really use it right about now! Thank you again for all the support you provide to these women!
Hey! Thanks 4 reaching out! I’m so glad u find my page helpful! It’s my mission to provide support & advice to women who have been abandoned during pregnancy.
Let’s get to it… Domestic violence is a BIG NO NO in any relationship let alone when a woman is pregnant! I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this. You did the right thing by pressing charges as the violence would have got worse if u didn’t, especially with his wish for u to have an abortion. You’ve acted responsibly in protecting u & your baby from further harm. The father wanting to continue his lifestyle of partying & going on holidays shows that he is already not present & isn’t ready to be, he doesn’t want the responsibility & wants to live carefree, if he did stick around he could have upped and left u & the baby at anytime for anyone, anywhere… I don’t know if you were in a relationship with him as u didn’t say, u mentioned he was no longer in your life but not a break up- based on his behaviour & the lifestyle u described him living it sounds like he wouldn’t want to be committed-could this be why he might be angry? I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s claimed you’re trying to trap him, but NOTHING excuses him putting his hands on you! No matter how angry he is. Just like nothing excuses the fact that he chose not to use protection! This guy has you stressed out which isn’t good for your unborn baby. That child is relying on you! Staying depressed isn’t going to help you! Do not isolate yourself! You need support right now from friends, family, books, victim support for domestic violence & you can continue to reach out to me personally also. DO NOT ignore ur feelings but do stay as active as u can, it’s the best thing for your mental health and emotional wellbeing. Things will get better if you do what’s best for you RIGHT NOW! Keep yourself surrounded by positivity! Dig down deep enough to find the strength you need to fight the depression! You have so much to look forward to with your baby! Keep your head up,keep going and fear NOTHING! You can do this! I wish you all the best of luck!💕#abandonedpregnant #pregnantandsingle #agonyaunt #advicecolumn #teenmum #preggoproblems #pregnancyadvice #doula
My baby father is messing around and I found out that he has a one year old who he lies about and says it’s his goddaughter but she is really his child! She happened before him and I said why is he lying about a child that he takes care of? Also he still messing around with the mother and when we found out about each other, he’s mad my child I’m six months pregnant. He said that he’s not the father and blocked my number, he said he would never take care of her, he has five kids and my daughter will make his six he’s been racking my stomach and things, but not the girl knows it’s his baby all of a sudden he said it’s not. I’m so hurt I have to go through this all alone now, maybe I shouldn’t have told her baby. When I said I put him on child support, he said that they won’t find him and he won’t do a DNA test if they do… Wha daughter will make his six he’s been racking my stomach and things, but not the girl knows it’s his baby all of a sudden he said it’s not. I’m so hurt I have to go through this all alone now, maybe I shouldn’t have told her baby. When I said I put him on child-support he said that they won’t find him and he won’t do a DNA test if they do.
The fact this guy lied to the extent of passing his own daughter off as his goddaughter is disgraceful! I bet he probably just saw it as telling a little white lie seeing that the word ‘daughter’ was still used. These types of liars will mix small parts of truth into big lies 2 soothe their own guilty consciences. The reason he lied about his daughter not being his is because he didn’t want u getting curious about who her mother was & discovering that he is still with her! He denied your baby being his when she found out because he is still with her. U say that maybe u shouldn’t have told her… Why? So that he’d still be around? Still lying to u, still lying about his daughter being his goddaughter and still in a relationship with his daughters mother… If he could deny his daughter who he actually looks after just to be able to have his cake & eat it too then it’s no surprise he can deny a baby he doesn’t yet know & by his actions with his daughter it wouldn’t make a difference if he did know the child. If u do choose 2 go down the child support route he can run from them but he can’t hide 4ever & when they do catch up with him he will be in a mess! He can refuse the DNA test, this only works in your favour as he will then automatically be presumed as the father for being a no show- which says it all! Although I don’t know if it will be worth your while due to the fact of him having 5 other children. Yes, sadly u will have to go through your pregnancy alone but it’s better than going through it with a man who u can’t trust at all & will only stress u out with his lying & cheating ways. He’s blocked u which is typical behaviour, he’s angry u outed him to his daughters mother, the best thing u can do is move on with your life! I know it hurts that he’s abandoned u but you’re going to have to b honest with yourself regarding the situation ur in, if u didn’t say anything to his daughters mother all the lies would have just continued and it would have been unfair on u all, especially both innocent children who would also be living lies! #abandonedpregnant #advicecolumn #agonyaunt #pregnantandsingle #teenmum #mentor #dilemma #abandonment #pregnancyadvice
First, I want to thank you for creating this page and for all your awesome advice to women in the same situation that I am in but nobody seems to speak up about at this moment. I do need a good piece of advice. I am now six months pregnant and I met my baby’s father about a year ago when we met he said that he had just got out of a serious relationship. I thought something was going on because I would be that one doubt that he would call at two in the morning and we never spend any good quality time together.
But we were sleeping with each other for about six months, I noticed that he had pictures of him and the girl he was dating on his phone but he would always deny it. When I told him I was pregnant he looked at me in disgust and asked me why I would do that to myself as he would never be there for me or the baby. As bad as it hurts me being pregnant and abandoned, my heart breaks for my daughter at this point. I don’t know what to do I could raise my child by myself, but I wouldn’t really want him to be there for her. He goes about life as if me and the baby don’t exist and it looks as if him and his girlfriend are now living together. I’m hurt by the way he’s blocked me from everything and there is no way for me to even communicate with him about our situation and try to be civil, I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to feel.
Thank you so much for your compliments, the pleasure of creating this page to support & advise u & other women in similar situations is all mine… I’m passionate about it! Ok let me try to help u understand what’s happened…1st off I’m sorry to say but you need to let this guy go as it’s extremely unlikely he’ll be back. Sadly, he wasn’t taking u seriously & his actions showed he didn’t care 4 you or respect u, this is why he looked at u in disgust & asked why u would do this to yourself as he doesn’t understand why you’d keep his baby when he mistreats you on top of the fact that u don’t really know him if you’ve never done anything or been anywhere together such as gone out on dates, chill at home & watch movies, met the families, etc. unfortunately he doesn’t seem to have any feelings for you & it was basically just sex-which is what I think made you have feelings for him. So of course he would deny having a girlfriend so he could continue sleeping with u 4 his ego, especially without having to worry that u could possibly blow his cover & ruin his relationship. I know it sounds really harsh & I feel for you, but that’s the reality of how he is looking at things. He & his girlfriend were always living together, u just didn’t know or maybe deep down u did but were in denial. I’m sorry hun but u are going to have to raise your daughter alone, he is a goner. He’s blocked you from everything to make the message clear he’d never be there, just like he said. There was no bond between you both so he isn’t going to be interested in a bond with the baby either. He won’t miss you because he doesn’t know u & therefore won’t really think about the baby much & will see the whole thing as something you chose 2 do 2 yourself. Nor will he take any responsibility for his actions like why he chose not to wear a condom. You’ve got quite a journey ahead of you, but stay strong! I suggest you forget about him & begin to move on. It sounds like you need my self-help book Abandoned Pregnant! I also urge you to practice self-love! I wish you all the best💕
I am now 20 weeks pregnant and my father’s child was out of the picture until I was about 14 weeks. When he came around he wanted to try again and make up the time he had disappeared. I’ve come to find out he has a new relationship and his new girlfriend knows about our baby on the way and if okay with the situation. I am upset knowing he abandoned me to go to start a new relationship and that his new girlfriend limits his contact and keep him from ultrasound appointments. Obviously this is his decision and he agreed with the ward she’s put forth I have decided to cut contact from him and focus on my last semester of college and enjoying my pregnancy. Is it wrong of me to cut him out of my life while I’m pregnant? I do not want to deal with the stress and confusion he and his girlfriend are causing me, thank you.
Based on the way your ex is behaving; no it’s not wrong for you to cut contact with him during your pregnancy. You don’t need the stress he is bringing to you during this time, especially with him adding a new girlfriend to the situation. Urgh! I’m disgusted that he is using her as an excuse for missed scan appointments. I don’t know where you got the information that his girlfriend was preventing him having contact with you, but if it came from him it’s most likely to be a lie. You don’t know what he’s told her about you either, but you can be sure there will be more lies involved. However, if by some small chance it is true that his girlfriend is dictating or controlling his contact with you it still comes down to him, it’s his choice to listen to her and to stay away from you if that is what’s happening, although I very much doubt it. By his actions he isn’t doing anything that he doesn’t want to do, he actually doesn’t seem to know what he is doing (leaving you then wanting to come back when he knew he had a new girlfriend) or care about how it affects you or his relationship with his baby. He’s out for himself and sounds like a confused lying coward. Yes girl! You make sure you stay focused on your last semester in college! Don’t let your ex or his new girlfriend get in the way of you moving forward and making progress with your life! As time goes by they will matter less and less but your education won’t! I wish you all the best of luck.💕Chapter five in my book ‘Abandoned Pregnant’ covers dealing with rejection which you will find useful. DM me for further answers or encouragement anytime!
My ex broke up with me when I decided to keep our baby but we still live together. The whole situation is horrible and driving me crazy, he is so disrespectful towards me and he has turned into someone I don’t know. He ignores me, we don’t speak and if I try to talk to him it turns into an argument. Sometimes he picks fights with me purposely by saying mean things, but I’ve learnt not to react. He speaks to other women on the phone in front of me, and stays out some nights so I think he could be seeing someone. Both our names on the tenancy, he said he was moving out three months ago and when I asked him when he will be leaving he told me when he is ready. I’m going to keep it real, I don’t want to leave because I feel like if I do then I’m walking away I’m giving up on him, he is still there even though he says he doesn’t want to be with me why? Could he be confused and waiting for me to give birth to see how things go?
This isn’t good for you. I hope you’re not cooking for him or washing his clothes! You need to ask him to leave as it’s clear he’s only there for his own convenience, maybe he has no place else to go. If your ex was staying for you he wouldn’t ignore you, disrespect you, pick fights by saying mean things, be speaking to other women on the phone in front of you trying to make you jealous or staying out at nights making you feel insecure at a time when you need stability and security most. If you leave things as they are it’s only going to get much worse, your break up isn’t real to you yet because he’s still there so you’ve not yet mourned the relationship being over as his presence clearly makes you believe there may still be a chance. You are only delaying the pain and you don’t want to be in the midst of it when you become a new mother. You seriously need time to yourself to adjust to your new life without him before the baby arrives so you don’t suddenly find yourself overwhelmed down the line. If he is sticking around to see how things go you deserve better, not a man who wants to give you and your child a trial probation run to be in his life. You also said you suspect he might be seeing someone, don’t remain in a situation where you could possibly end up downgrading yourself while feeling vulnerable, unintentionally becoming a live-in side chick babymother. That would really drive you crazy! If he refuses to leave then you might have to move out if you can, yes it will be a nightmare but it will be much easier to do before you have the baby and could save you a lot of drama and chaos to come! Best wishes 💕
I’ve been with my BF for over a year, we lived together and it happened so quickly. We have had a history of depression and cheating, I’ve accused him endlessly of seeing other women and mostly turn out to be right. He said he feels like he needs to be free and me being pregnant made him see that, he said he can’t trust himself or live with me any more but that he will standby the baby. He keeps giving me mixed signals saying how sorry he is and that he wishes he could change for me. He wants to come shopping for the baby with me and be at the birth, he has attended two scans, I’m 20 weeks pregnant. It seems like he switches his feelings on and off for me, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore I’m so confused. I keep wondering about who he is seeing while he has the luxury of knowing I’m not seeing anyone. My emotions are everywhere!
I can understand your emotions being everywhere. I’m sorry to say but you’re really going to have to be strong on this one and let him go, based on his words, actions and past behaviours it’s likely that he would have cheated or left anyway- it’s got nothing to do with you and everything to do with him! Don’t allow him to take you on an emotional roller coaster, you say he is depressed and this explains why he is telling you one thing today and doing another tomorrow, he is not stable in his thoughts. You can’t trust a man who changes like the wind. He may go to the scans and shopping with you, but you need to look at it like a business transaction and not get caught up or tricked into playing happy families with him. Don’t let yourself get sucked into believing there is another chance with him because he has shown you how unreliable he is. Emotionally distance yourself from him so you can move on even though your contact with him will have to continue because of your child together. Re-adjust your perspective and try not to look at this as losing something but that it was never in the works to begin with. He has done you a favour by saying he doesn’t want to be with you and will only fulfil his fatherly duties, I know this might not help but even though he’s hurt you be grateful he hasn’t abandoned you and the baby completely. I really hope everything goes well for you!
I came across one of your posts and it made me feel guilty. I’m an absent father… In my experience, I left my girlfriend because the relationship wasn’t healthy. There was no love, just anger and violence (from her end only!!) now, she told me a few weeks after we split that she wa S pregnant. I admit I was only a boy at the time 19 and did what others do and buried my head and hope the problem went away. However it didn’t obviously. Never went to any of the scams, the bath… Nothing!! What kind of person did that make me?! A pathetic excuse for a human being, that’s what! I was eventually so don’t written that I forced myself to see my daughter when she was 10 months old. I tried for two nights, couldn’t stop her crying, couldn’t feed her, couldn’t change her nappy… I couldn’t even put her down to sleep. So I talked with the mother and we both agreed that it was the best thing for me to walk away she took a hell of a lot of convincing to come to that agreement as I couldn’t do it I wasn’t capable and then that. Now seven years on, I think to myself I only gave it to Dave.. As it now and think to myself my daughter deserve more than three days of me trying and I should’ve tried harder! And nasty and regret every day that I gave up and that I didn’t try.. But I wasn’t man enough to step up I’m longing to see her, but I’m punishing myself because I should’ve been there from the beginning I’m not using now is the time to make the effort. I do not regret my daughter being born and I do not regret being with the mother. The situation however had a profound effect on how I feel myself in relationships and others as I can’t possibly have a child of another woman consciously knowing I’ve handed my fast one. It wouldn’t be fair on my daughter and would be morally wrong..
My 1st DM from an absent father! 1st of all I’m so glad my post made you feel guilty! 2nd I’m also glad you reached out to me! Ok, so u discovered ur gf was pregnant a few weeks after leaving her for behaving angry & violent (hormones can do that!) you were uninterested and uninvolved throughout her pregnancy, but did attempt to be a father after ‘forcing’ yourself for two days before giving up and convincing the mother of your child that u were an incapable father who shouldn’t be around. (Brace yourself…) From what I’ve read it appears you lack confidence and belief in yourself. You think you’re a pathetic human being- your words…
Most men who abandon their kids don’t let that stop them from having another one, you clearly have a strong conscience and genuinely do feel guilty based on the fact you decided not to have anymore kids, (I can’t agree with you having morals in this situation to an extent or you wouldn’t have given up so easily and done the right thing- stuck it out) but I think it also comes down to you not believing you can be a good enough father to any child. Have you ever stopped to think about how your daughter feels? You say u r punishing yourself 4 not being there from the start but you are actually punishing an innocent little girl by staying away & not giving her the chance to decide if she wants her father in her life. You seem very wrapped up in your own guilt and failure but u need to think about how ur actions have affected others, that’s the 1st step u want to take if u want to get in contact with your daughter. Her mother most probably isn’t in the same mindset she was 7yrs ago and if she thinks you’re the same man who only thinks about himself she may not want you coming to disrupt her stability out of fear of u abandoning her daughter again. Don’t leave this any longer, however do approach with care, remorse & caution! If you happen to have underlying childhood issues with your own father try to address them also! Best of luck! #abandonedpregnant #absentfather #advicecolumn #agonyaunt #mentor #problemsolvers #socialmedia #lifecoach #breakups #relationships
I have some real drama I need some advice on. My daughters father abandoned me when I was pregnant, I daughter is six months old now I let him take her weekend – he lives at his mums but whenever he takes our daughter he stays at his new girlfriends house. He says he works weekdays and stays there on weekends so he has to bring our daughter with him, he also brings his girlfriend outside my house when he comes to collect our daughter. I’ve asked him so many times not to do this especially as I don’t know where she lives. Am I creating a problem that’s not there?
Hell no you’re not creating a problem! You are actually being AMAZING because there are many women who’d never allow a man that abandoned them pregnant to then play happy families with another woman (newcomer at that!) with their six month old baby. To be honest this guy has his PRIORITIES all wrong as well as a lack of respect for you.
This is the time he should be bonding with his daughter one on one, not splitting that precious time with a new woman, who may not be around in a few weeks or months to come! How inconsiderate of him to not think about how this must make you- the mother of his child feel- unless he is doing it to intentionally hurt you…
I think it is unfair that he brings his new girlfriend outside your home while at the same time you don’t know who she is or where she lives and your baby is there with her weekends!
You’ve more than likely suffered enough anxiety caused by him being absent throughout the pregnancy, you don’t need anymore and not knowing where your baby is will do that to you! Listen to me hun, you went through your pregnancy alone and you need to get back in control of this situation and fast! I’m not suggesting you stop contact but you need to get things a lot more in order for your own peace of mind!
I wish you all the best and hope you are able to come to an amicable arrangement that works.
I’m so annoyed today.
I’m pregnant and I’m alone. I have recently joined Instagram where I’ve discovered my child’s father has an account, to my surprise he has been posting memes which I feel are subliminally directed towards me, he is getting me heated. He posts things about being a good father and about mothers who don’t let fathers see their children. I feel like he’s trying to make it seem to people that I’ve somehow prevented him from being in his child’s life, when he is the one who said he didn’t want any of this and just cut me off like I was nothing. The most hypocritical thing about it all is that he has limited his current comments on such posts because he knows we have mutual friends who will shame him for all his followers to see. I am so angry with the way he just doesn’t care about being a liar and is making himself out to be a good guy when in fact he is the most immature, mean spirited, broken person I know! I feel like doing something crazy to him.
Hey girl, thanks for reaching out and agreeing to share! IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE at the end of the day HE knows the truth and so do the people in his life, (people talk…) who cares what strangers on social media think! He probably posts these things because he is aware of what is being saying about him being a deadbeat dad (hence limiting his comments) and is trying to blame his shortcomings and failures as a man and as a father on you. Leave him to it, he is only drawing attention to himself by showing his agitation, you remain calm, don’t go on his page, if you do see anything do not react to whatever he posts and get on with all the things you need to do for you! Doing something crazy is only going to make you look crazy and help those people he is trying to put you on blast to understand why he isn’t around (Been there done that)I know how hard it is to get a grip and control your emotions especially when it comes to being abandoned pregnant, children and liars, but you have got to remember that your emotions towards the situation is the only thing you can control. Don’t let him draw you out of character!
This is my situation..
He was mad about me and I was crazy about him, until I told him I was pregnant. He walked out of my house without saying anything and didn’t come back, he won’t answer my calls or return them.
I turned up to his house last week, I heard music playing and he didn’t open the door when I knocked but five minutes after I’d walked off he texted me for the first time in six months. The message said “come back” so I did, I was happy because I thought he wanted to see me, but when I got back to his doorstep there was a box with my things I’d left at his house inside.
I am eight months pregnant, he knows this because I text him all the time about how far gone I am and how much I miss him and wish he’d just reconsider. I can’t believe he expected me to carry that heavy box, that hurt me more than anything because now I know that he really doesn’t care about me. I know a lot of people will say well he can’t care about you if he left you pregnant, but a lot of me was putting his behaviour down to maybe being scared. Clearly, he isn’t and wants me out of his life. It hurts, he’s made me feel like I am nothing and I still want him back.
From Had Enough
Hey Had Enough,
First of all, it goes without saying that this man is a complete idiot!
You need to accept that he is not who you thought he was.
Sometimes, after seeing how someone behaves during a crisis we need to reassess our thoughts and feelings about them.
I can not imagine how much it must have hurt to see your belongings in that box on the doorstep after receiving that text and I understand how sad and lonely you must feel without him being there for support.
Getting through some days with the weight of a broken heart is absolutely horrid, but it will get better if you make it better!
You need to immediately line up your support system, because it’s clear you will not be getting that from him for now and you will need it!
Your focus must be on you and your baby! Surround yourself with those people who do care about you, they will either help you forget his existence or tell you how much of a fool he is, either way they will help your pain become less.
If he one day gets a guilty conscience and decides he’d like to be involved in his child’s life then leave that down to him, but in your circumstances I advise that you DO NOT set yourself up for further heartache again by calling him, texting him or going to his house.
Last but not at all least, right now you might feel as though you’re nothing but that’s because he has made you feel that way- you’re being conned!
He is the worst kind of fraud, he has stolen your worth.
He has made you feel like you are not who you really are and only he knows the real you! Take back your worth!
Don’t try to convince him of anything!
You are someone and you were someone all along!
Your baby needs a happy and confident mother!
Happy Mum, Happy Baby!
I’m two months pregnant and I’ve been waiting for my ex boyfriend who recently abandoned me and is the father of my baby, to come back for three weeks now.
He left me because he didn’t want a baby. I am in bits here. The pain I am feeling is like it will never end and gets stronger each day.
I can’t believe he has actually gone and left me like this, I can’t believe that he doesn’t care. The last time I heard from him was via text two weeks ago, he said that if I have an abortion he will come back, he said he’d support me thorough out the whole thing just not a pregnancy. I think that is so evil of him but I feel like I have no choice, deep down I want to keep our baby because I love him and to be honest I feel like I want a part of him in my life forever, but not if he’s not in it.
Sometimes I feel like texting him that I will have an abortion part of me really feels like I will do it at the time because I just want him back, the other part of me feels like if I tell him that then it gives me a chance to see him and try to talk him around again. But I also sometimes wonder if he is just trying to scare me by leaving and push me into having an abortion that way. If I hold out long enough until when I can’t have an abortion then he could just accept it even if he is mad at me.
I don’t know what I should do.
Hello Desperate One,
The first thing I want to you to understand is that this is not a game for you, even if he is playing one- in the end he will lose because he is basically playing himself by himself. You need to stop thinking and worrying about what he could or couldn’t be plotting and start planning your own course of action. Your whole letter to me is more or less solely about what he wants, want you want to do because of his behaviour and how you feel based on his actions. This is your life and you need to make it about you not him!
You have a big decision to make, are you going to go ahead with your pregnancy or not? This is obviously the first thing you must decide for yourself without his input, especially since he left you. You must not give in to whatever he wants because you are the one who has to live with either your child as a single mother or the regret of not becoming one. It is your life who will be effected the most no matter what you choose, that’s why it’s so important that you do not do what you don’t want to! If you are considering keeping the baby to try to keep him around or terminating the pregnancy because of your ‘love’ for this man, you need to understand that there is a huge possibility your ex might not come back once he realises you are serious about going ahead. There is also a chance he still turns around and leaves you anyway after you have an abortion. Don’t put yourself in a position where you’re no longer in control of what happens to you in your own life.
You get to decide, there is always a choice!
I am six months pregnant with my first baby.
The father- who was my ex of five years and lived with me- told me he did not want the baby since the day I told him I was pregnant, when he realized I was keeping it he left me saying “Good luck with that!”
He told me that he will deny our baby until his grave.
I can’t sleep at nights. I hate him and I wish he would die, I really do.
How can I stop feeling like this since it’s unlikely he won’t drop dead?
First of all, I know you’re angry especially with the fact that your ex is denying his paternity and has claimed he will continue to do so until his grave.
But you must be calm and use your common sense in this situation, you say he was your ex of five years who lived with you? He looks pretty stupid alleging to not be the father and could well just be saying this to upset you, although some men are prepared to live in denial by making up their own lies and then believing them. It’s truly amazing the many different sides of ‘men’ women get to see whenever an unplanned pregnancy and an immature ‘man’ is involved.
Deep down you know just as well as he does that he is your baby’s father, it sounds like he is scared of and does not want the responsibility of raising a child, especially with comments such as “good luck with that!”
He clearly doesn’t think he can cope.
You don’t really hate him and you don’t wish he would die, your just angry with him because you still have feelings for him even though he’s abandoned you pregnant. It’s important that you no longer allow these negative emotions to keep you awake at nights, you need your rest! Try drinking warm milk before bed, reading works excellently, make sure you are comfortable!
If you don’t have memory foam/pregnancy pillows get some!
The steps you can take to stop feeling so angry is by focusing on yourself, whenever he comes into your head repeat “I focus on myself” over and over until you are actually focused on whatever it was you were doing before those thoughts creeped in. Find a NEW hobby, allow your friends to distract you, join my online workshop via Skype an hour a day for emotional support and encouragement.
Hate is a waste of energy and will only attract more hate in return,
you are carrying love inside of you, and like it or not that love is half him, it’s the BEST part of him and you will love that part of him forever.
If you need anymore advice or support in going forward please contact me to enquire about my online workshop.
The trick to getting any man back after ghosting you or not is to move on! But sometimes that trick contradicts itself, because by the time he comes back you won’t want him, even though right now you think you will!
It means that he is keeping track of your lifestyle on your page. Block him or change your public settings! If it’s a support page or anything of the sort that needs to be open, start a second account and have your page settings on private. Don’t give him any insight into your life if he isn’t in his daughters! He just wants to see if you’ve moved on or are happy, probably because HE ISN’T!
A short story wrapped up in poetry with a moral…
Unfortunately this kind of situation is very much a reality for many pregnant women. If you’re one of them don’t put yourself in a position where you end up in a competition with a woman who has no morals over a man who loves neither of you. At the end of the day, you don’t need to get into any drama with her because you already know something she clearly doesn’t and hasn’t seen for herself yet… His other side and he will show it in time, so leave them to it so that he will be her problem completely and you can begin to move on in peace, you will be fine! You can find more poems like this in my new poetry book for single pregnant women ‘Oceans Of Emotions’ which will be out very soon!
Kandy D x
Zoey lay on her bed rubbing on her five month pregnant stomach in deep thought thinking over and piecing together all the lies her ex had fed her that she’d swallowed all in the name of love.
She was angry over what a fool she must have looked to everyone and had been to herself for believing in such a sorry excuse of a man Craig turned out to be.
Deep down Zoey knew why she believed in him, just like every other woman he’d been with before her; he sold dreams. He sold himself as every woman’s dream man come true. Now he was hers and he came at a price as did everything else that followed in time; like his attention, his attitude, his happiness and his three children from previous relationships. Zoey hadn’t realised her dream man was in fact her worst nightmare until it was too late.
Too late to listen to the many warnings her family and friends all gave her, too late to listen to her mother who told her not to ignore those red flags and too late to say or do anything about it, apart from listen to a few “I hate to say it but we all told you so’s”.
Zoey couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d done so wrong in her life to deserve to be looked straight in the eyes by the man she loves and told “I don’t love you, never have and never will, so how do you expect me to love this baby you’re forcing on me that I don’t want?
Zoey was confused, angry and hurt.
How could Craig just totally disregard his role in giving the baby to her first, she didn’t get pregnant by herself! How could he not love her after two years together and for everything she’d done for him during that time. Craig’s phone line and car was in her name, she’d been paying for them monthly on promises he’d pay her back but he never did and yet she still continued to bail him out financially. Zoey had taken Craig on holidays abroad to the US, Caribbean and Europe, he lived with her rent free and didn’t contribute towards anything.
Zoey treated Craig as if he was the last man on earth and did whatever he asked because she wanted to keep him happy.
Craig made Zoey happy too in better past times, but she was a simple woman with a giving nature so it wasn’t hard to please her, she appreciated the little things and accepted way less than she deserved.
It hadn’t mattered to Zoey that Craig made less money than she did, and it hadn’t mattered that he cut hair for a living and she was a high flying home lettings agent.
She even lied about how much she earned so not damage his ego and avoid any awkwardness or insecurities.
Craig always kept Zoey laughing and he was very sweet to her and kind. He had a little ‘bad boy’ in him but he could also be a gentleman.
Crig reminded Zoey how much he loved her several times a day, he held her hand everywhere they went, he sang to her, he made amazing love to her and he made her feel safe with him. He once melt her heart and made her cry by gazing into her eyes and saying “Zoey, If you ever get the urge to hug me, kiss me, or hold my hand wherever we are, whoever we are with just do it, because life is short and tomorrow isn’t promised.”
In return for what Zoey believed was true love she gave Craig herself- recently more than ever on the weekends when she turned into a single mother of three when he dropped his kids off and disappeared during what was supposed to be his time to spend with them.
She’d look after them, feed them, take them out and sometimes even drop them back to their mothers.
Craig’s excuses for being absent were about his new barber shop being fitted and furnished apparently there was an issue with the wiring and a few electrical sockets he’d recently had installed, there was always a reason and the reason was always the barber shop, another thing that Zoey also had put in her name on the lease and paid the deposit for.
Despite his many faults and flaws Zoey loved Craig, he was loving, caring, kind, sharp, handsome, charming, smooth and on point with his swag, he had the attitude to match and being thirty four years old -eight years older than herself, Zoey felt like she had a man and not a boy, forgetting that age was just a number not a sign of maturity.
Zoey remembered how quickly things moved between she and Craig when they first met, it went from a simple hello to I love you within two months, everyone thought it was going to end in tears or disaster as it was so whirlwind, but two months lead to four, then six, then a year passed and suddenly they were living together, talking about getting married and starting a
family someday and yet here they were, two years in and a baby on the way, except Craig now wanted out.
Zoey was emotional and so busy trying to figure out what she could do to make things right again, she didn’t take a break to think properly or long enough to see that it wasn’t her fault why things were going wrong.
She was the only one doing anything right and the only one putting any effort into the relationship.
Craig was taking everything she had to give, no longer giving anything back in return.
Craig had stopped making Zoey laugh, he stopped opening doors for her, he stopped always asking her if she was ok, he stopped talking to her bout his life, he’d become distant, unreliable and inconsiderate, he told compulsive lies, started staying out all night and turning off his phone, whenever he was out he texted more and called less. Zoey’s intuition told her another woman was in the picture but each time she accused Craig of cheating he accused her of not trusting him and told her that if there was no trust, then there could be no love.
Zoey laughed at her flashback of Craig insinuating she didn’t love him when he’d turned out to be the one who didn’t actually love her.
She often wondered why she was putting herself through having this man’s baby when he said didn’t want her and his actions showed her so too.
It made her feel worthless, especially whenever the thought of him possibly being with other women instead of wanting to be with her came to mind.
Zoey answered her own questions in her head honestly ‘I’m having Craig’s baby even though I know he doesnt want to be with me anymore right now because I still want a part of him to be with me, if I chose to not go ahead with the pregnancy he would no longer have any reason to get in contact with me and I couldn’t bare that because I still love him. I don’t want to let him go because I’m still hoping he will come back, I know that by having this baby I will stay on his mind no matter how many women he gets with and he’s bound to be back at some point, Craig’s just angry at the moment and acting out of character, maybe he’s having a midlife crisis, he will be back when he’s over it, after all we were together for two years…’ Zoey was used to doing this, going around in circles of emotions. One minute she couldn’t stand Craig for leaving her and was angry with him for being so ungrateful and such a user, the next minute she felt bad for being so judgemental over his financial difficulties and thought if you truly love someone you help them, then she remembered the lies he told her and got mad, then she missed him and became sad.
Zoey hadn’t even realised that her decision to keep the baby wasn’t even her own, she’d made it based on trying to keep hold of Craig.
She hadn’t thought about how having a baby might affect her own lifestyle, or about the reality of becoming a single mother and if it was something she really wanted. Zoey hadn’t explored all her options because she was too caught up in being one of Craig’s, also believing he was the only option that she had.
He was all she wanted.
Zoey was no longer living her best life like she was when she first met Craig, he’d worn her out. Her hair was no longer the same length, it was weak and kept breaking, she always looked tired from a lack of sleep worrying about problems that weren’t even hers, they were his and most of them about money.
Zoey had stopped helping Craig financially over the past few months before he left because of how he was treating her, she also felt like his reasons for always needing money and never having any were lies to get his hands on more of her money and she began to grow suspicious of his endless stories ending in financial misfortune.
Sometimes Zoey felt bad for thinking that way about Craig and often had to remind herself of his actions, he’d stay home and spend days flattering her, attending to her every need, making her feel like a queen until he got what he wanted and then he’d be gone again leaving her with “I love you, you’re the only woman for me” and she believed every word.
Towards the end, the relationship was bittersweet.
Zoey hated how she was being treated but she just couldn’t walk away, she didn’t want to give up on Craig because she knew how loving and wonderful he could be and she wanted that Craig back, it had been eight months since he was the man she once thought she knew.
Zoey felt like she wanted to cry each time she remembered the last time they slept together, he’d called her a bitch when he ejaculated and had a look of disgust on his face.
Zoey hadn’t even realised she’d been in bed thinking for a whole two hours until she caught sight of the time when her phone rang…
“Zoey sit down, I need to tell you something before you hear it from anyone else”
To be continued…
READ CHAPTERS 1 & 2 OUT APRIL 21st 2018 BY PURCHASING DIGITALLY ON THE KANDYCARES ETSY STORE FOR 99p
CHAPTERS WILL BE RELEASED WEEKLY!
Hey ladies! I hope you enjoyed the free sample read, “why release the chapters weekly?!” I heard you ask… Ever heard of the book blues? It’s when you’ve finish reading a good book you just couldn’t put down too quickly and are left wanting more. Well, I want to leave you wanting more of Abandoned Pregnant By A Psychopath every week like a scheduled TV series. I wrote this novel to help other single pregnant women escape their own realities while still being able to relate to most emotions and situations happening to the main character in the book.
Please let me know what you thought of the preface in the comments I’d really appreciate it.
Kandy D x
I’d like to wish my followers a Happy Mother’s Day!
I know for some single moms this day can feel lonely, especially if they have young children, and most single mothers would love a day where they can relax or be the centre of attention. It’s usually the dad who helps the kids make the cards, breakfast, presents, etc. So for some single moms who have small children it can feel like when there’s no dad there is no Mother’s Day.
Sometimes it can feel like a reminder of not having the family a woman always wanted and brings a sense of feeling that they are really on their own and feel unappreciated by their children’s absent fathers. But they’re not alone and single moms deserve to celebrate Mothers Day twice as much as they work twice as hard! I’d advise single mothers with young children on Mothers Day to treat themselves! Go out to the theatre, cinema or park then for a meal with the kids or order in, get themselves some flowers, make something with the kids, play with them, spend time talking to them, after all, your children are the ones who made this your day! Don’t make yourself upset on Mothers Day and then again on Fathers Day too…
Take time out to be grateful that you are able to hold your children close and breathe in their scent, rejoice in the fact you are all safe and happy and most importantly together!!!
In the evening get the children to bed early for some ‘me’ time when you can pamper yourself, do your nails, put on a face mask, and have a nice soak in the bath with a glass of red wine!
Happy Mothers Day💜
Come on ladies! It’s time to let go of the bitterness he left reeling inside you!
Put all your energy and anger into building a bright future, one where there’s no way back for him to return and never will be! Focus on smashing the hell out of your goals one by one and don’t let anything he says or does make any of your hard work become undone! Once you stay on track it’s just a matter of time, before you feel amazing about yourself and leave memories of him and how he treated you far behind!
YOU CAN DO IT!
You can become that woman nobody ever saw coming, least of all your ex especially as the last time he saw you he’d abandoned you pregnant! He thought he’d left you stuck in the mud, he thought you wouldn’t ever pull through and would never stop begging for his acknowledgment, but you did! You realised that he isn’t worth anything in your life just as he isn’t worth anything being out of it, you realised you had nothing to loose, but he lost everything and he will never be able to get it back!
Keep smiling, keep believing in yourself, keep pushing, day by day adds up and eventually all the small steps you took will suddenly get you to your destination! Life is a journey and what you are going through now is all a part of the experience! You are strong enough to persue your dreams, be bold, have courage, seek the support you need and continue! Never stop!
Don’t allow gossip or rumours to stop you, don’t allow people to stop you, don’t allow any excuse to stop you.
Use everything he did to you and how you felt about it in the past to remind you of why you need to fight for and deserve a better future!
Kandy D x