I’d like to wish my followers a Happy Mother’s Day! I know for some single moms this day can feel lonely, especially if they have young children, and most single mothers would love a day… More
If your unborn baby’s father has abandoned you during your pregnancy and is completely adamant about not wanting to have a baby, then there comes a time when you need to do the best thing for yourself, which is focus on you.
Your baby is the only thing that matters right now, of course your hurt feelings do too and you will need to heal which is why it’s best to do it before your baby arrives. The time you waste trying to get a reluctant father to actually become a father would be much better and wiser spent on improving yourself, your well-being and your health.
That WILL make you feel better! Staying stuck in ‘why me?’ mode or trying to figure out his behaviour will only keep you down!
Leave him and your unanswered questions for the future to deal with!
There is ALWAYS a reason WHY!
Don’t try to force anything from anyone who doesn’t want to give you what you need from the heart, you won’t receive what you get well as it will not be genuine and you will know it because you will feel it.
Trust and believe in yourself that you can get through this experience just as myself and so many other woman have by practising self-love, build up your self-esteem, be happy again with being you, by yourself and plan for the future because you won’t be alone for long!
Get to it! There is much to do! It’s time to start focusing on you!
Stay Strong Ladies!
Kandy D x
The hardest thing for an abandoned pregnant woman is time…
Nine months of feeling rejected… Time wondering and worrying if her baby’s father will come back, time trying to convince him to come back, then realising how much time he’s been gone… I think one of the toughest things in this situation is when a woman doesn’t realise exactly how much time she loses out on when she spends the whole nine months of her pregnancy trying to convince and turn back time with her absent baby’s father who is meanwhile having the time of his life…
It’s just not worth your time!
How you spend your time as a single pregnant woman is important, especially being emotional, you need to be around uplifting, positive people and engage in activities that take your mind away from you thinking about what your ex is doing. Get yourself up out of bed and out the of the house, GO GET YOUR LIFE! Being pregnant never stopped any woman from living!
Write down a list of the pros and cons of waiting for him, be honest with yourself, (I’m comfident that you have more to lose waiting on him) anytime you realise you are beginning to waste time over thinking about him read over the pros and cons. After that, remember why you need to stay strong during this time… To keep it moving!
The only way is up!
Kandy D x
Ladies, please don’t waste any of your precious time waiting for him to change! The time it takes for that to happen could be in-between now & infinity!
Thats right! You could be waiting until forever, do you really have that time to waste and is he even worth it?
There are many women clinging desperately to hope that the men who have left them pregnant will return to their lives with heartfelt apologies and make amends for their childish behaviour, I personally know a woman who has waited 15 years, she never dated anybody else after his departure and sadly, she now has mental health issues.
Love or what you think is love can make you CRAZY
Don’t become the woman who loses her mind over a man who doesn’t even have you on his!
Your mind and your time are terrible things to waste!
Ask yourself truthfully, what exactly are you waiting for to return? Because things will never be the same between you and this man again, even if he did one day magically reapper, you’d still and always will question where he has been when he left you pregnant.
You could be waiting for another ticking time bomb..
Our time is precious and I bet he’s already used up more than enough of yours, so don’t give him anymore!
Instead, use your time to heal and as time passes everything will become easier until you finally accept the situation for what it is and no longer dwell over what you wanted it to be or what it could have been.
Kandy D x
You’d think that deadbeat dads who have done 0 to support the mothers of their children or contribute anything towards their children’s lives would be happy for those women who manage to find their feet on solid ground, and succeed in raising their kids alone with a promising, positive future despite how bad things may have been in the past.
Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case and many deadbeat dads end up feeling severe jealousy and intense hate and anger towards those women they disrespected and made feel worthless, all because these women are now doing better than them in life and those deadbeat dads are now aware that it was in fact themselves who were worthless all along and they still are- and now everyone else knows it too- (including the people they bad mouthed these women to) Now everyone can see for themselves just the type of low life man he is!
These types of losers will attempt to compete against the women they abandoned pregnant to try to prove they still have game, but they will ALWAYS fail in the same way they failed to support the woman they got pregnant and their innocent children. The rejection, worthlessness and pain felt by the women those men abandoned during their pregnancies becomes the man’s reality for his own future! It’s called KARMA and it’s REAL!
But most of these men don’t realise that until down the line, when they are lonely, getting old, tired and through and no other woman wants them anywhere as near compared to how much the woman he left pregnant wanted him in her life.
That’s when they get to thinking…
But by then, it’s just way too late!
Your baby doesn’t need a father who doesn’t want he or she, and you don’t need a man who doesn’t want you both! Let him go and be grateful that you now only have one baby to deal with! A real man will come along at the right time!
Thats right ladies! Let that loser GO… nowhere!
If he can pack his bags and leave you when you need him the most he will continue to leave everyone else when they need him too!
Yes, it hurts like hell that he has just walked away and you just can’t believe that he really doesn’t care! You wonder if it’s all an act and how he can go through with it, but I’m here to tell you that once he leaves it is no act, he is for real and he cares about one person, himself.
DO NOT beg him to come back home, do not make compromises on things you will do for him in order to keep your baby and still make him happy, this is not a deal breaker- this is a LIFE! A life he has made clear he doesn’t want nor deserve to be in if he has chosen to walk away!
Yes, there will be times you miss him and will want to reach out to let him know how you feel and try to persuade him to return, but he already knows how you feel I’m sure, it won’t make a difference!
Acceptance is hard.
Accept where you are at in your life right now, accept that he was not the man you thought he was, accept that he is gone and accept that you will be a single mum. Once you learn how to accept the situation for what it is, things will get better!
What you don’t accept is a man walking out in you while you’re pregnant with his child!
Stay strong ladies!
Kandy D x
When you think the man who left you pregnant actually hates you because you’ve decided to keep the baby, and he is totally against the idea…
Have you cut him out of your life to protect your feelings? If the answer is yes, then he is probably thinking ‘how dare she attempt to be so strong without me!’
Does he one minute keep contacting you to argue? Does he make you feel like you’ve ended his life? Call you selfish? Claim your trying to trap him?
Then the next minute he asks you how your day went? How you’re feeling? And actually behave like he cares?
Are you confused by his mixed signals? Does he come across as being confused himself?
He may be FRUSTRATED!
Frustrated from you not wanting him back, frustrated from trying to convince himself that he doesn’t need you, frustrated that he can’t get over you, frustrated his mind games aren’t working with you, frustrated that his mixed signals and deliberate actions aren’t making you chase him or stopping you from still living your life and loving yourself!
You may think he hates you, but if you knew the truth you’d be surprised…! There’s a thin line between love & hate!
Even though it’s an immature act, men who tend to behave in this way often return to the women they abandoned and end up becoming the fathers they thought they never would be!
Stay Strong Ladies!
Kandy D x
Nine years today…
How proud I am to say that this is my Dad who raised me alongside my mother since I was three months old until the day he died, although I was not biologically his own.
He is one of my main secret weapons of strength because I KNOW he watches over me, guides me through my good and bad choices and protects me from above, even now nine years after his passing I still see him in my dreams.
Whenever I feel like I am ready to give up, his story and my memories of him keep me going.
My Dad went from being a neglected young boy to building his own empire of estates as a man-with his bare hands- without an education or any qualifications.
He wasn’t perfect, none of us are, there were times when he and my mum had their ups and downs just like every other family but as I was a child it did not involve me.
All I can speak on are my experiences.
His heart was BIG!
When he loved, he loved fast and he loved HARD!
He never gave up on love and always had enough to go around, I get that from him.
There are people who can’t imagine or even begin to understand all he went through in his life or why he behaved in certain ways, but as I grow older and become wiser I totally get it because my life has gone down a similar path in the past and it is because of him I know and believe I can achieve anything my heart desires, no matter how long or how much it takes.
My Dad taught me A LOT.
Most of all, he taught me how to be strong mentally, emotionally and physically. I thank The Most High for him being in my life because without him and the experiences he took me through I wouldn’t be half of who I am today,(I owe the other half to my mother) I am and will always be truly grateful for his love and protection.
I remember the time we lived in Saint Lucia, my Dad took me to this massive plot of land, it looked like a huge jungle and the grass was up to my face.
He said “Perdarda aka Padeeta(my Saint Lucian names he gave me) I will build a mansion here for us to live in, as the weeks went by I saw my Dad buy massive Lorries, trucks and vans, he hired workers and bought cement, bricks, doors, windows, tiles, etc. all the building materials you could think of and he got to work.
This was the end result.
When the house was being built one of the last things complete where the stairs, so we had to climb up ladders to get in and one day I missed a step and fell through the ladder.
I managed to hold on and was dangling in the air.
I looked down below me, there were huge, pointy, long, sharp nails in the ground underneath me and I remember panicking at the thought of what would happen if I lost my grip.
My Dad shot past all my family members who were also on the ladder shouting at me to hold on and I will never forget the feeling of his strong, firm hands pulling me up and he carried me back up that ladder into the house.
He quite possibly saved my life that day!
I remember the time I was being bullied and inappropriately touched by a boy at school, It took me some time to tell my parents but I did and when neither the school or the boy’s parents did anything about it my Dad decided to take it into his own hands.
Let’s just leave it as that boy never troubled or touched me ever again!
One of my favourite memories is sitting in the car waiting for someone with my Dad and Whitney Houston’s “Your Love Is My Love” came on the radio.
My Dad took my hand swaying it side to side as he smiled and sang it to me while staring into my eyes.
That memory makes me cry every time I think of it, those words are extremely meaningful, especially now. It will take an eternity to break us…
I watched my Dad die. It was one of the the worst days of my life, I never got to thank him for everything he ever did for me or tell him how much I love him.
I will regret it forever. If you have a stepfather who you love go and tell him how much right now!
The reason I have shared so much with you all today is to not only tell memories of my Dad but to also give hope to women who have been abandoned pregnant, single mothers and those who have grown up with step father’s never meeting their own biological dads.
Sometimes you don’t need to! Sometimes a stepdad is the only dad you need! Sometimes the right father figure will forever be more important than DNA!
Sometimes people don’t even realise when a man is not the biological father to a child due to their close, strong bond and when a man treats a child as if they were his own.
Sometimes it is the stepdads who really step up!
There are decent men out there who will take on a single mother and her child or children treating them the way they deserve to be loved.
You do not have to hold onto hope that a reluctant biological father will return or change his mind about being in his child’s life, never be afraid to move on, don’t put your life on hold because you just never know who will come along and be a positive father figure for your kids.
Brilliant stepdads do exist!
Rest In Eternal Peace Dad. I will always love you.
Overwhelmed by anger? Frustration? Heartbreak?
It’s not wrong to feel upset, it’s not wrong to cry, it’s not wrong to scream or shout, what is wrong is to keep it all inside and be alone in your pain!
Does nobody seem to understand how you feel about being abandoned pregnant by the man you once loved?
Do people say that you haven’t moved on or that you’re not over him because you can’t stop talking about what he did to you?
If they do then you’ve been speaking about your situation and sharing that information with the wrong ones!
I’ve spoken to too many women who tell me that they’re unable to express their emotions with those who they consider to be their ‘nearest and dearest’
because they know that they will say something negative or what they don’t want to hear or need to hear at that moment in time which only leaves them feeling worse!
Women who have been abandoned pregnant need support not scrutiny.
Don’t bottle up your feelings out of fear from what others who just don’t get it will think!
Instead, open yourself up to everything, embrace those emotions, express your truths and let them flow out- if, as and when they need to! Don’t miss out Sometimes you don’t even need to speak to anybody, you can come to your own solutions via writing! Be your own therapist, nobody knows you better than yourself! Deep down you know what you need to do, what you’d like to make happen and how to go about doing it, but too often we seek approval and opinions from others about our own emotions which we are in control of, not them!
Of course there will be times when you need someone who is completely genuine in caring about how you feel and can relate to you while giving you an ear and advice but just make sure it’s someone who isn’t judgemental and likely to take shots at your self-esteem.
Always remember that what hurts you now will be over one day and you will realize that these challenges had great purpose in your life!
Kandy D x
I had writers block over the past month due to everything that has been going on, however I’m very happy and I’m not complaining at all but I do sincerely apologise to you all for not posting anything over the past few weeks.
You can’t blame a busy, excited and emotional woman, after all…
I’m engaged to be married to the most amazing man!
I got the best advice for my writers block last night…
To express what’s really going on with me… To do what I’ve always done…
I’ve shared a few of my toughest life stories with you guys in my books, publicly in the newspapers and on TV too, from being abandoned pregnant, to suffering from depression, to temporarily losing my children, to being single and choosing to stay celibate.
I got asked this question by a close friend last night, “Kandy, why are you not telling everyone about what’s happening in your life right now? It’s only right since you share everything else, you are a role model for abandoned pregnant women and teen girls, you set a positive example for them, especially now you have more reason than ever to make positive references about your book ‘Bored Single’ show women how your methods work!”
If you’ve read my book “Bored Single” it has everything to do with how I changed my whole life and attitude after feeling extreme anger and bitterness overcoming being abandoned pregnant and becoming a single mother.
It encourages other single mothers in similar circumstances to let go and make better choices in the future resulting in better outcomes surrounding men, relationships, friendships, how they allow themselves to be treated, how they treat others and everything to do with building self-love, worth, value, respect, etc. In order to live a better lifestyle and attract the right man.
I took my own advice, made those huge changes and waited for my Mr Right… It’s a major part of exactly why I am now engaged to a great guy I never thought existed or that I would ever be capable of attracting.
I told my fiancé that I’m a very different woman to the one I once was a few years ago and he most probably never would have never given me the time of day.
I had to change and I am glad I did! I was a seriously resentful woman after being abandoned pregnant for the second time around.
I swore off all men and went on a one woman anti-man campaign and learned how to love myself. Situations that happened forced me to, back then I was raging at the world and beyond, I couldn’t understand why everything all seemed to be going wrong for me and I felt I didn’t deserve any of it.
I had to fight with everything I had for everything I had to change.
Little did I know that it was all part of the Most High’s plan…
Becoming the best woman I could be attracted the best man for me.
Loving myself brought me the love of someone else who I am also capable of loving right back in a healthy way and I’m ready for it all.
Our relationship is much more. I’ve never laughed so much in my life.
The happiness we are experiencing right now is exclusive to us – a feeling only he and I are capable of adding to each other’s lives. No one else comes close.
I can’t begin to explain our bond, our connection, the way he and I are so in sync with each other it’s almost scary but we know we’re meant to be together and there is nothing more wonderful than when even The Most High is sending signs and signals that only we understand.
It’s real… It can happen for you too!
Ladies listen up now, being abandoned pregnant does not make you unlovable, life does not stop there unless you allow yourself to stay stuck and not move on. Time goes by so fast, don’t waste a day of it dwelling over or trying to get back with a man who abandons you when you need him most.
There are way better men out there. Where is he? When you work on finding and loving yourself you will attract the right man who will give you nothing but his full attention. Don’t worry, you will find each other.
He will notice you and he won’t be afraid to let you know how he feels about you, he won’t play any games or leave you wondering, he won’t make you feel like anything less except all woman and more.
The same goes for single mothers who feel lonely and are bored with their lifestyles so make lots of mistakes along the way that negatively affect themselves and their children- this is more along the lines of the audience my book ‘Bored Single’ is aimed at.
Don’t ever feel like you have messed up so bad that you can’t clean up!
If you sit in the mess you will only add more but if you clean up and continue to clean up any further mess you make as you go along, you will notice huge visible differences.
Women, never give up on yourself or get scared of following your dreams for finding love.
You are worth it and you deserve it!
Don’t let people from the past or previous relationship issues make you doubt the woman you know you’re capable of becoming and are supposed to become.
I want to thank Hayley for advising me to write about this, you were so right it all poured out of me effortlessly!
Last but not least I want to thank my man for making me feel amazingly happy, thank you for loving me for the woman I am.
Your love is the best, it’s everything and I feel extremely blessed.
WOMEN… If you feel ready to get more serious about your relationships and improve your lifestyle for the best and for your children then ‘Bored Single’ is the self-help book for you!
Available to buy for £5.99 from Amazon, Kindle, Barnes & Noble, Google Books and more online retailers.
Sent from my iPad
There are many women who go through their pregnancies alone without a choice after being abandoned by their baby’s fathers, only to have these same men turn around at the last minute and request or even demand to be present at the birth.
It all depends on the circumstances, but being put in such a situation so close to a due date can be a massive stress on any pregnant woman-
who really doesn’t want a man that has been stressing her out for the past nine months in the same room as her while she is giving birth- unless he is going to be supportive and because of his past actions this may be hard for her to believe he is capable of doing.
When it comes to deciding whether or not you would like your ex in the delivery room the main thing is that you feel 100% comfortable with it.
Do not allow anybody to influence your decision.
This is your experience as a woman and as a mother, you will never forget the day when it comes, so make it a happy one.
If you can’t trust your baby’s father not to be a drama starter at the birth, then maybe you can have him visit the day after.
I know that many women in this predicament will feel angry with these men for not being around during their pregnancies.
I think that how a man treats his ex during her pregnancy will pretty much make up her mind about whether or not she will allow him to be present at the birth, especially if he has abandoned her but I also believe that it is down to the individual’s perspective.
For example, some women will welcome a run away father to the birth with open arms, happy that he has managed to suddenly come to his senses just in time, while other women will see it as “how dare he think he can just get on board when he feels like it!”
My views on an ex being present at the birth are; if an ex partner who abandoned you pregnant was intentionally disrespectful to you throughout your pregnancy, then you have every right to ban him from the birth.
Just because he fathered your child it doesn’t make him the best person to support you in the delivery room.
You need help in there, not a hindrance!
If an ex partner who abandoned you pregnant stayed absent throughout your whole pregnancy without having any contact whatsoever with you, then you might be more willing to have him present at the birth, simply because you haven’t seen him in such a long time.
Because it’s been so long without an exchange of negative words between you both, your thoughts may get carried away leading to expectations of a reunion without even thinking that he could be involved in a totally new relationship and possibly leaving you heartbroken after the birth when he has gone to share his joy of becoming a father with someone else, when you went through everything by yourself.
Understand that if you agree to having your babies father at the birth of his baby, it does not mean that he has returned to make things right with you or has any intentions of doing so, you will need to separate your feelings for him good or bad and recognise that his only responsibility here is to his baby, not you.
Thinking anything more could lead to further disappointment or rejection.
If you can’t trust your ex not to provoke you to anger or frustration during labour, then it’s best he is not present at the birth.
If you can trust your ex to be supportive then it could be a good idea that he is present.
If you can’t trust your ex not to be disrespectful towards you at the birth,
then it’s best he is not present.,
If you can trust your ex to behave maturely then it could be a good idea that he is present.
If you can’t trust yourself not to control your emotions in regards to him abandoning you then it’s best he is not present at the birth.
You may have to weigh up the many pros and cons based on how well you know him, how you both left things, and how well you know yourself!
Some men will surprisingly show a side of them that women have never seen before at the birth, even treating these women with more respect after the event having seen what happens for themselves.
I can’t tell you what to do here, but what I will say is if you have a decision to make about your baby’s father being at the birth then don’t stress yourself out attempting to do anything else other than what’s ultimately best for you!
Choose your birthing partner carefully!